The Oxidising Angel
by InvidiaTheVampire
Summary: AU Story in which tells the story of a teenage Shan Yu, who had been adopted into a Chinese family that loves him as their own. But when they move and he is sent to an all Chinese school, struggle arises until he meets a girl. Possible MulanXShanYu later.
1. Vindicated

**Disclaimer:**** I do NOT own any of the characters at all. However, I do own the plot to this story. All characters respectfully belong to their owners/creators. This is a story of a Mulan AU with Shan Yu and his point of view on his life as a teenager in our lifetime. Possible Shan Yu X Mulan may appear in the story later on. Each title is named after a song. So I will post the song inspiration for the chapter and a bit of the song as well. Reviews are welcomed kindly and any suggestions of improvement are also welcome since I am always willing to learn to improve.**

**Song inspiration: Vindicated By Dashboard Confessional **

_Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right. Swear I knew it all along…_

I don't really understand much of this world and its problems, though I do understand that nothing will be perfect throughout life. From my time with my family, I had recently discovered much as I grew older by the passing years. At the age of sixteen, I always thought life would probably be easy, but it would only prove itself a challenge until I could face and conquer it.

Ama had told me that Dieh had recently taken in a new job in a new city and that meant we had to move again. It did not bother me all too much. Dieh had always told me since the day he had adopted me into his family, he was always willing to help me make me happy. I knew he meant well and I know he always does. Dieh and Ama love me very much. They both treat me as if I were their very own birth son. Even my sisters treated me as their brother. I was in no need to any special attention and I intend to keep it as that.

Soon Dieh arrives from work and calls out Ama. Ama welcomes him with a tight embrace and tender kiss to his lips. My sisters soon enter and welcome Dieh home too. I wait my turn, sitting quietly in the living room as my golden eyes shifted from the TV and onto Dieh. Dieh soon heads my way and opens him arms to welcome me. I stand and embrace him gently, not even cracking a smile onto my features. I can see that Dieh is holding the papers for our move next Friday. I'm going to miss this place very much.

"How was your day, Shan Yu?" Dieh asks, stepping back and brushing away the long, jet black hair that fell over my face. I smile slightly and shrug, not knowing what to tell him at all. Dieh chuckles and places a hand on my shoulder, possibly knowing my answer.

Ama steps over and smiles, he head turned to me with a gentle and calming look in her dark eyes. She moves her hand out towards me and I step over to her.

"Look at what Shan Yu has gotten today." Ama states with a smile, pointing to the new piercing curled tightly in the middle of my lower lips. Dieh smiles with a sigh, patting my back gently. My sister steps in as well and takes Dieh by his hand as she holds a doll in the other.

"Baba, can we go see our new house yet?" She asks, shaking his hand about in her excitement.

"Soon we will my little one. Soon." Dieh answers, picking her off the ground and hugging her. She giggles and looks to me. I smile slightly and take her doll as she held it out for me to take it.

Dinner soon arrives and we all feast on Ama's dinner. Silence fills the majority of the dining room while the sounds of chewing and chopsticks picking food off the plates echoed quietly throughout the atmosphere. I look down to my plate and pick at the fried rice Ama had prepared for me. Ama looks over to me and back to her plate with a sigh. Hearing Ama's sigh, Dieh looks up and sees the gesture she made with her eyes towards me. Dieh sighs and sets his cup of tea aside, his dark eyes looking over at me with worry.

"Is there something wrong, Shan Yu?" he asks equably.

"No." I answer, my voice hoarse from hours of silence. Dieh looks at me with a brow raised and taps his slender fingers onto the table top. "Dieh," I call out, my golden eyes shifting from my plate to his face. "Why do we have to move again? I am already getting used to living here and you suddenly think that getting a new job will make everything better? I thought you were fine with your old job in the army." I exclaim, my brows narrowed tightly into sincerity.

"I did not change my job; I was assigned a new position in my military career, Shan Yu. And when there is a time to move, we move." Dieh stated.

"But if I don't want to go? What if I--!"

"Silence, Shan Yu! In time you will come to understand what is right for the family, not just for you!" Dieh snaps, giving me a slight glare as he rose from his seat. I only move my head back as I look on with a sullen expression. Dieh then takes his seat as I remain standing. Ama looks over at my direction, her face flushed slightly with sadness. My sisters shift their eyes to each other as they exchange looks of fear. Soon I feel the sting of tears rushing into my golden eyes and I turn away, walking out of the dining room and into my room. I hated moving far away from home. I understood Dieh was telling me that it was about everyone, but I felt that he didn't understand my motive. If he knew the reason that not everyone is accepting in the world towards changes maybe he would understand. Through hard years of my childhood, it had taken some large amount of time for people to accept me into their culture though very few had come to take me in at all. No one ever liked me or my family. I never understood it then because I was young, but now I know what it is.

My eyes then begin to droop and I lay my head onto my pillow. With a sigh and quiet yawn, I close my eyes and drift away into a better place, hoping for some glimmer of hope to shine upon me for once.

"Shan Yu?" I hear a voice call from behind and my eyes snap open with a bit of shock. My head turns and I see that it is Ama. "Shan Yu, are you alright?" Ama asks, sitting herself on my bed and touching her hand onto my grey face. I nod slightly, feeling her touch upon my skin as her fingers move carefully through my hair. She smiles and brushes her fingers through my waist long hair, taking bits of it and brushing it away of tangles. "I'm sorry about what happened today, Shan Yu." She says quietly.

"No, it's okay Ama. It was my own fault. I just got a little selfish, that's all." I say, turning to look at Ama as I wrap my large hands around her smaller, feminine hands. At the age of sixteen, I had forgotten how much taller I was compared to my family members and the other people around here. I was guessing most of the fear was from my large height. Yet somehow, I felt that it was my fault no one ever liked to talk to my family or even want to hang around them.

I sigh and look away from Ama's saddened eyes. I hate to see her so hurt like this. It was all my fault Dieh and Ama had no friends anymore. Ever since Dieh had brought me into his family, he had almost lost his job and was always put down. Ama lost all of her friends and was constantly inside the house staring at the window or drinking a glass of wine once in a while. I had offered from time to time to talk to her and we do. The conversations we engage in are quite interesting considering we had plenty to state. I love her so much. I wish Dieh and Ama had someone to understand why they took me in to be one of them.

I turn back to Ama and kiss her on the cheek, hugging her tightly as I felt the hot sting of tears burning my eyes. I let go of her and bid her good night. Ama does the same and kisses me on the cheek gently, touching my face once more with a sad smile on her face. Ama then takes her leave and I rest myself onto my bed again. I take my blanket and cover myself, clutching the blanket as I shut my eyes tightly with a tear rolling down my face. "I love you Ama…" I whimper, my golden eyes shimmering slightly in the moonlight peering over me through my window. "And I love you Dieh…I'm sorry…"


	2. Fall From the Stars

**Song Inspiration: Fall from the Stars by God Is An Astronaut **

Moving day is here. The packers have come and taken all our things away. The house is empty and silent through the still morning. The silence would only break through the bouncing echoes of footsteps and quiet whispers.

Soon Dieh calls us all out so we could get going and we all gather in the family car. My sisters' take the left and middle seats of the car. I was stuck with the cramped seat of the right without an option. I didn't care. If I argue with my sisters I probably would get into further trouble bickering over a seat.

"Is everyone ready to go?" Dieh asks, taking his seat and placing the key in. Everyone replies with a yes and he smiles. I remain silent and look to the window as the sun fell into my eyes. "Alright, say good-bye house!" Dieh jests, starting the car and placing it into reverse. My sisters turn towards the window and wave good-bye, cheering out their words as the car began to move away from the house. I say nothing and avert my eyes from it. I don't want to see it and the past that lingers with it. At least I got to say good-bye to the only friends I had while we were here. Well, that was before we moved away months and weeks before.

_Too depressing to think about it, don't want to talk about it. _

My golden eyes shift from my iPod and over to my younger sisters. They seem to be having some kind of thrill through this. Maybe it would be good for them; people always seemed to look at them as monsters like me. I hate it when people see my family as nothing. We are proud people that except change, yet very few are like our family.

_Too depressing to think about also, change subject_. I think to myself, my eyes averting the cheerful and life giving smiles of my younger sisters. My attention turns to window again and I click my nail against the play button on my iPod. I don't want to hear anything from the outside world today, not yet at least. No mood for it, no time for it.

The thought of my friends then came to mind; the only friends I ever had growing up here. I remember them all. They were all Mongolian and lived around the same neighborhood my family and I lived in. At least they and their families understood why my family had taken me and were always welcoming towards them; sadly they embraced much of the pain we had gone through as well.

I remember Batu, tall and lanky with jet black hair falling to his shoulders. He often wore black like I do with chains, skulls, and what not of the Punk-Goth subculture and enjoy much of the things I do as well. He was the first to become my friend, my closest and best friend throughout the majority of my childhood. He lived only with his father since his mother had died giving birth to him and often remained indoors. His father was a kind and smart man, often giving well though advise to Batu and I when we felt the need for something to brighten our days of gloom. I could remember all the stupid and fun things we did growing up. So much fun. I also remembered the days Batu had come over and stay around my mother for most of time. Like myself, he too saw her as his own mother and cared for her just as much as I did. Sadly, Batu had moved away a few months back before we had moved today.

I also remembered the twins that lived across the street, Gaitan and Suren. They both looked like each other but Suren was the only one to sport a small, black Mohawk on his head. Aside from that, the two brothers looked identical to one another yet their personalities differed. Suren was more playful and outgoing while Gaitan was more firm and controlling then his brother. Both lived with their mother and father and were often seen together no matter where they went. They seemed to like more of Punk subculture and enjoyed to do crazier things, probably why they were in trouble with their parents almost everyday. Ah, how could I forget the time they broke their father's car trying to tell me they could make it run through a tree without harm? Good times, good times. Too bad their family moved last week back to Mongolia. I don't remember what the reason was. Maybe it was some type of family thing. Not too sure on my options there, but at least they let me know before they left that they would try and contact me when they could. So far they have kept their promise by calling me last week telling me what's been going on over there.

Then there was Lasuluun. He was slightly shorter then the rest of us and a lot more skinner in appearance with black hair barely touching his chest. He was youngest of the group too and also one of the quietest. I remembered meeting him for the first time, just seeing a small, skinny eight year old boy crying and begging for help through frightened words. I didn't understand him much since I was only two years older then he was and what he needed exactly was out of the question for me at the time, but I took him home with me to see if my parents could probably help him out. When I brought him home I remembered seeing Ama's expression burst into shock. She quickly ran to Lasuluun and held him tight, asking him if he was alright. Apparently he had been placed into foster care some few weeks back and was being abused by his foster parents. At least I got to help him out that day, now he's back with his real parents living happy again and since that day, we've been friends for quite a while and still are. Sadly, his father had passed away in an accident and he and his mother wanted to go back to Mongolia to have him buried there and to also be close to family. I didn't blame him; it was never his fault in the first place. The good thing was that I helped him out of the worst situations life could have put him through then.

Lastly, there was Sirchin. Tall and muscular in appearance, he was the only one of us that was older and had shorter hair. He was often sincere about any situation and often kept his silence around others, yet he only spoke to the four of us. He was a good friend, always loyal and giving a wise yet jesting quote to get the day started. But soon, he had graduated from his school and decided to go off to continue his schooling through college. I was happy for him. We were all happy for him. I remembered the day before he left the four of us. I was only fourteen at the time, he was eighteen. Tears withering in those dark eyes of his, that you would almost have your jaw drop to see such a tough looking person like him to actually cry. It did not matter. We all cried for him before he left and called us his brothers.

Yes, we are all brothers and no matter where we go or went, we knew we would soon meet up again. I just hope that would be the same case with me.

"Move your arm, Jiao! It's in my spot!" The voice of my younger sister Dao-ming catches my attention and cracks through the music to my iPod.

"No! You move your arm! It's in mine!" Jiao snaps with a growl, snatching her doll away from Dao-ming with her lips curled into a snarl. I roll my eyes and shake my head, my golden eyes shifting towards my iPod as my finger slid gently across the pad to turn up the volume.

My eyes shift back towards the front, seeing Dieh's eyes appear the rear view mirror staring back at me. I freeze and look back, feeling a slight chill run down my spine as he looked back at me. I wasn't all too sure if he was still angry with me about last week, but I was not willing to find out. But when I look closer, I see that he looks sad to see me. My gaze quickly averts from his, sullen and confused with what may be going through his mind. I was afraid he may still be mad at me.

My lips quiver slightly and I swallow hard. I turn my gaze back to my iPod and press the tip of my nail against the skip button, searching for my next song.

The car then comes to a complete stop and Ama turns to look at the three of us.

"If you two don't stop arguing I'll be sure to take your dolls away!" Ama snaps at my sisters, pointing a slender finger at the two of them. Ama turns her attention on me as my gaze fixes itself back towards the window. I can feel a headphone being popped out of my ear and I turn my attention to Ama.

"Yes?" I ask quietly, blinking a few times.

"Turn that down; it's not good for your ears Shan Yu." She tells me, a small smile on her face. I nod and do what I am told. "Now, before we start the car again, is there anyone that has to make a quick rest stop before we go?" She asks and my sisters' hands quickly shoot up towards the sky with their noises of anticipation. "Alright, let's go. Xiang, do you need anything?" Ama asks Dieh and he shakes his head in a simple no.

Ama and my sisters then take their leave and I was alone with Dieh. I quickly turn my iPod off and place it in the pocket of black sweater with neon green streaks and chains hanging from the arms.

"Shan Yu," I hear Dieh call out and my eyes shift over to meet his gaze.

"Yes, Dieh?" I ask, my voice hoarse from the hours of silence.

"I'm sorry." He says, his voice defeated and sad. My eyes widen slightly to hear this. Why and what was he sorry for? I didn't know but eventually it came to me like a simple breeze of wind. His hand reaches out towards me and brushes through my waist long hair.

"Sorry for what, Dieh?" I ask again, feeling his hand land on my shoulder.

"For yelling at you. I didn't mean to yell at you like that. I'm sorry." He says, his dark eyes sullen to look at me. I shake my head and take his hand.

"No. I'm sorry. I was selfish and wrong to think less about you and the family. You were right, I was wrong." I tell him, my pierced lips turned into a frown of sadness.

"No one is always right my son and it was not right for me to yell at you for making out your own point." He says and I nod in agreement. He was right. I didn't care if he had yelled or even hit me at that point. I knew I would deserve it and I would learn next time not to be so foolish with my next step.

"I know…" I tell him, eyes closed and my frown still in play. "But please, take my apology too, Dieh. I had no right to be selfish among our family and I should never be selfish at all." I say and he too nods in agreement.

_There, problem solved? Things are cleared up now, right?" _I think to myself and Dieh smiles, almost as if he had read my thoughts. I too smile, but it quickly dies down as I set myself back into my seat and pull out my iPod. Dieh also turns and opens the car door for Ama and my sisters to enter. Silence once again would return as the car would begin its drive again. Ama and Dieh would begin to converse, but I could not hear a word they would say. I decided not to. Instead, I just took in the loud waves of music block the sounds of the outside world.

_Yes…In a world of my own. Where there is no one there to bother or torture me for who I am…Yes…Alone in my own world…_


	3. Tolerate

**Song Inspiration: Tolerate by Anders Manga **

_You're all black and blue__, but the pain's all to you. It's the bloodline that you've left to sever…_

Two weeks pass and we finally have settled into our new home. It was alright, but I'm just glad that it was a bit bigger then our last house. It wasn't near the city nor was it deep in the country side where all you could hear was the wind singing to you. Instead, our house lay between the two, sitting comfortably with the two sides as a few houses around us to share us company.

The house was larger in comparison, four bedrooms, two bathrooms, two floors, and everything on the inside plus a nice patio. Ama and Dieh loved the sight of it on the spot, seeing that it was big and spacious enough to finally fix it they way they want it to look. My sisters seem to like it too, their eyes wide with joy and astonishment to see a house this big. They almost looked like they wanted to burst through the doors and play castle when we first saw it. But I found it calm and serine. Reminded me of our old house near the Chinese Mongolian border where Dieh had found and took me in.

Soon we pick our rooms. Ama and Dieh got the master bedroom of course because they are the parents of the house. My sisters strangely decided to share a room with each other and stuck with it. I claimed my own room closest towards the forest sitting quietly behind our house. Dieh made the extra room his work room for when he needed some privacy and quiet to work on some major projects. Everything seemed good for us. Even the people seemed to be quite nice towards us, even if they had a son that was not Chinese.

Soon though, I will have to start school now that summer was taking its end. I hate it when time flies away so quick, but then it could be a good thing when you need it most. The other day Ama and Dieh went out to shop for school supplies. I was stuck babysitting my baby sisters while they were gone. I didn't mind. In fact, I never mind at all. My sisters seem to enjoy it since I never set any rules that are too obvious for them and they already knew better then any other kid around. So, I had no pressure pressed onto me for it.

That was until today when Jiao and Dao-ming decided it would be fun to start throwing Ama and Dieh's stuff down the stairs to see which would hit the ground first. I tried to tell them to stop while I cleaned up, but they didn't listen, they were having far too much fun with this new game of theirs.

Then the door knocks and they stop to run in their rooms, giggling and hiding as if their game had expanded even further. I walk over and drop everything to the floor. There was no time to fix everything, might as well face the consequences since I didn't try to set better rules for them.

I step to the door and open it, seeing Ama and Dieh step in with large bags filled with everything they needed. Ama didn't take the time to go and look at the mess behind me. She only looked at me with a smile and scooted herself into the kitchen to set and organize the stuff they had. Dieh however, looking quite puzzled and a bit questionable, quickly set the bags in the kitchen as well and walked back to face me.

"What happened?" he asked, eyes narrowed and arms crossed. I grin a little and laugh nervously.

"Having a little too much fun?" I answer with a bit of question dripping through my tone. Dieh's expression did not change much to hear my answer and sighed with a shake to his head.

"I won't ask you again, Shan Yu." He stated sincerely and my grin fades into a small frown. I sigh and look off to the side a bit, trying to ease my nerves before telling him what happened.

"The girls were off playing a game and they were just having a little too much fun." I tell him, feeling a bit worried for my sisters now.

"And you let them do it?" Dieh asked, his tone sounding angry to hear this. I didn't know how to respond to Dieh's outburst. He was right and there was no other way for me to tell him.

"I guess so…" I say quietly, lowering my head as I tried to hide my face behind my waist long hair.

"You guess so?" Dieh asked, a brow raised on that serious face of his. Again, Dieh had caught me on my tongue and I wince slightly to his sharp tone as if he had tried to strike me.

"Xiang, what's going on?" Ama asks, stepping out from the kitchen and looking at the two of us with her hands placed on her hips. She then looks to where the mess laid and looks to me.

"That's what I am trying to find out, Lea." He answered, not even giving her a glance. Ama shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"It's only a mess, Xiang. I can go clean that up easily." Ama stated calmly, but Dieh shook his head in disagreement.

"No, Shan Yu will do that after he's done telling me why he let his sisters do this." Dieh retorted before Ama could object any further. Ama then sighed and walked back into the kitchen. Dieh then turns his attention on me and I sigh, my head lowering slightly as my hair began to consume the expression coming into play. "Go on." Dieh states, his dark eyes narrowed and patient for my answer.

"I just got a little side tracked with talking to Batu on the computer and well, I kind of forgot I was babysitting Jiao and Dao-ming." I answer, my voice struggling not to crack under the pressure of fear. Dieh listened and let out a low and quiet sigh.

"Alright," Dieh said with a nod. "Go clean up that mess your sisters made. You're grounded from the computer for the week." He says and I nod to his demand. As soon as the conversation had begun, it ended. Dieh went into the kitchen to help Ama and I turned to go clean up the mess my sisters made. I had no will to argue against my father and I never felt anger towards him when he yelled at me. At least I learned, right? Even if he didn't hit me I still learned, right?

Later, I go up to my room after cleaning the mess my sisters made and listened to the silence that whispered about the walls. Somehow, I should feel angry at what my father had made me do when it was my sisters' fault, yet I didn't. I felt empty and calm towards this punishment. Father had made his point on my first time babysitting my sisters on taking responsibility and I had given him my word. I guess its been a while since I had even looked back on that since then my sisters weren't such a handful.

_Oh well…_I think with a yawn, closing my eyes and stretching out my arms. Soon, I feel a buzz go off in the pocket of my sweater and my arms fly to my side as a bit of fright traveled though me. Quickly, I place my hand in my pocket and pull out what had been buzzing.

"Stupid cell phone…" I sigh in frustration, my golden eyes shifting from the buzzing phone and then to the wall. My eyes shift back to the screen and there I see a familiar phone number. A bit shocked, my thumb flips open the phone and I place it close against my ear and face to speak. "Hello?" I ask, a brow raised in a bit of confusion.

"Shan Yu?" The voice answers back, sounding as surprised as I felt. "Is that you?"

"Yes," I answer, still a bit confused yet familiar to this voice. "Who is this?" I ask, now feeling a bit uneasy.

"Shan Yu! It's me, Batu! Remember me?" The voice answered back and my jaw drops in shock to hear my best friend's voice again after so long.

"Oh my! Batu! Hey! How's it been? How did you get this phone number?" I asked, overwhelmed by joy and confusion. All I heard was the laughter of my friend on the phone, hearing all the questions I had bombarded him with.

"My goodness, it must have been a while. Well, Suren and Gaitan gave me your phone number when they reached their new home. They told me to give you a call when I had the chance since my father and I have been busy with a lot lately. But anyways, how's everything for you? We were talking earlier but suddenly you just left. What happened?" Batu asked and I sigh as my eyes shifted off to my shoulder.

"Eh, I got in trouble for not taking responsibility in watching my sisters." I answer with a slight mumble. I also hear the sound of Batu's grumble on the other side, almost as if he knew what had happened entirely.

"Hey, don't worry about it Shan Yu. Your father will probably see things through, right? He didn't hit you did he?" Batu asked, his voice now filled with worry to the very thought of it. I laugh and shake my head.

"No, Batu. He didn't hit me. Besides, it was partially my fault anyways so meh." I say with a shrug and he chuckles slightly. I too chuckle a bit and silence comes in between the two of us after a knock is heard at my door. The door knob wobbles slightly and the door opens slightly with a pair of dark eyes peering in and staring right at me.

"Shan Yu?" I here Batu call out, but I do not respond. "Shan Yu?" Batu calls out again. Still I do not answer as Dieh enters my room looking at me with a slightly angered look across his face.

"Who is that?' Dieh asks, his voice calm even with the look anger drawn across his features. My hand trembles a bit as I hear Batu call out my name for the third time.

"It's Batu, D-Dieh." I answer quietly, my golden eyes beginning to gloss over as I looked at him with slight fear.

"Shan Yu? Hello? Are you there?" Batu calls out, his voice filled with fright and worry. Dieh shakes his head and reaches his hand out toward me.

"The phone, if you may." Dieh said and I nod slightly with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Batu…" I whisper in the phone, pressing the end button before Batu could say another word to me. I was hoping it wouldn't have to be this way but apparently it had to be. I look back to Dieh and place my phone in his hand gently, my fingers and hand trembling slightly in the rush of fear in my veins. Dieh's fingers curl around my phone and he moves his hand back behind him.

I couldn't help but look away. His dark eyes were narrowed right onto me as if he were peering right into my soul. It almost felt like he could sense my every move and know my every thought. I was afraid, but I kept myself calm and moved my face back to look at him.

**WHAP! **My face flies back into the direction I had turned away from him as I let out a slight cry of surprise and pain. Jet black, waist long hair flew and tangled in my direction as my body slumped slightly to my side. I pant a bit and feel the rush of hot tears in my eyes as I place my claw like fingers where I had been slapped. Dieh looked at me, his expression still the same with his hands placed on his hips.

I don't say anything as I stare at Dieh. My golden eyes, glassy and wide with tears just stared at him as my mouth hung open slightly.

"Don't tempt your punishment, Shan Yu. I can make it go worse when you disobey me." Dieh stated equably. All I could do was nod and look at him. I didn't know what to say or do. So many words were flying around my mind just after feeling that burning sting on my left cheek. All I can do is be quiet and wait.

I lower my head and swallow hard. "I'm sorry." I whisper, hiding my face behind my waist long hair. Dieh said nothing and shook his head. He then turned and left my room, not even slamming the door or even speaking another word to me.

All I did was sit there and take it in. It's okay though. I knew better then to tempt fate that way and I know now not to do it again. I learned now, right?

I shake my head and remove my hand from the forming the mark on my cheek. A small tear slowly rolls down my face and I quickly wipe it away with my sleeve. I sigh and lay myself on my bed for sleep. I didn't feel like getting up to turn the lights off or change into a nightgown or to even say good night to anyone. I need to be alone tonight and all I just want to do is sleep away these thoughts of anger…


	4. Ecos

**Song Inspiration: Ecos by Hocico (Translated into English)**

_It tells me, what is it that you create? In this world of intoxication, in this world of intoxication. A voice that has been infuriated to you for the echo in your altered ears. Desires dying. Do you believe in yourself? Those fleeing from something vile. Violent changes you suffer today. Brutal absence. Do you believe in yourself today?_

About a week later and the first day of school was finally here. Ama quickly went up to my sisters' room and got them ready for their school while Dieh took care of me before he went off to work.

Dieh barely spoke a word to me. All he did was tell me to get dressed and eat while he waited for me in the car. I barely said anything to him either; I wasn't a morning person after all. But I did as I was told and dressed in my usual clothing of black and green. I quickly brush my hair and put on all my piercings I had on my lip, ears, and nose. How seeing myself look so bizarre always made me smile every morning.

After heading down and finishing my breakfast. I grab my backpack and rush out the door. I hear Ama call out and I quickly stop to turn to her. She quickly runs over to my side and gives me a tight hug and kiss to my forehead.

"Have a good day at school sweet heart. I love you and I'll see you later." Ama tells me with a warm smile and I nod.

"I will, Ama. I love you too." I tell her, hugging her back and then running out towards Dieh's car.

Once I was settled and ready to go, I roll the window down to my side and wave good-bye. She also waved back and smiled, her eyes almost glossy with tears to see me go back again. I could sense her pride and joy by the look in her eyes. I knew she was happy, but I could also sense something else. Now that Dieh began to drive out away from the house and onto the dew stained road, I rolled my window back up and settled myself back into my seat.

"Already the first day of school. I can't believe how fast the summer went by this year." I hear Dieh say, a small, jesting smirk coming across his features. I quickly draw on a small smile and chuckle a little, but it quickly dies down as my eyes shift to my twiddling fingers. I could tell Dieh was shifting his eyes onto and back on the road. I didn't even have to look at him just to prove myself right, I just knew.

Suddenly, Dieh begins to clear his throat and my eyes shift over to him again, my brows slightly raised. He says nothing and keeps his eyes on the road and I turn my eyes away and onto the window. Again I hear him clear his throat and I turn to face him, brows still raised in a gesture to my interest in what he wanted. Dieh says nothing and continues to keep his eyes glued on the road. My brows narrow into a stern expression as a frown comes into play, but I turn back and attend to my own business. Again I hear Dieh clear his throat and I whirl around, teeth bared in a small gnarled, yet vexed snarl as I look at him.

"What?" I ask, my voice giving off the tone of my annoyed presence. Dieh only shakes his head and keeps his eyes on the road, just barely opening his mouth to say something.

"Last week you made me feel very disappointed with your behavior." He says, barely auditable for me to hear, but I heard him clearly. I only look at him, my expression as stern as his. I didn't want to think about what happened last week and following days with it. I was hit more then once that week and I wasn't willing to think back about it anymore. I learned my lesson and I don't need to continue reflecting about my wrong doings anymore then I should. I learned my lesson. "I don't know why, but you made me feel as if you had just changed a persona that week. I had to hit and yell at you to get you to stop and still you went on for that entire week. What was that all about?" Dieh asks, his hand waving about slightly to keep my attention on him. My expression remains stern as I look at Dieh and listen to his conversation. I felt no need to barge in and speak against him as I had already learned how and when to keep my tongue in place when I should, but something made me recall one of those memories from last week. Dieh had been right after all. My attitude had not been the best nor the brightest of all days it had been then, but now it seemed to have vanished so quickly in an instant. How? I don't know, but it would always recall me back to that memory.

…flash…

"Go away and leave me alone!" I snarled, fang like teeth bared into an angry snarl as my sister Jiao stood at my doorway with teary eyes. "Why can't you go and bother someone else for a change? God! You're so fucking annoying!" I scream, slamming the door to my room in her face without a care.

All I heard after that was the sound of her footsteps running far away from my room with the sounds of her sobs following after. I didn't know why I felt so angry or why I was like this, but I wasn't enjoying it myself. In fact, I felt more infuriated with myself then anything else in the world. This strange fit with myself was putting me through a violent rage and it was causing plenty of hurt among my family members, including myself.

"Argh!" I scream, slamming my fists against a nearby wall. "I hate this! I hate this fucking place! And I hate this fucking world!" I scream, smashing my fists raw against my wall through my unknown rage.

"Shan Yu! Open this door!" I hear Dieh scream behind my door and I stop slamming my fists again my wall. "Shan Yu! Open this door! NOW!" he says again, his voice almost as loud and booming as my own. I snarl and stare at the door, not even giving a quick response or a simple word to assure him I was here.

"Get the fuck away from my door!" I yell back, hearing Dieh pound his own fist against my door. There I had realized my mistake after these quick minutes of rage. I grew silent as I listened to the doorknob wriggle violently with a few furious grunts made by Dieh. I remained were I stood, eyes wide and sullen to hear myself say this to the one that had cared for me the most through my life.

Finally, the door bursts open and Dieh enters my room, his expression as furious as the tone he kept following through his breathing and voice. He came forth towards me, hand stretched out and hand poised to make a grab for me. I remain where I stood and let his hand and fingers tangle through my waist long hair. I let him grab me and pull me forth towards him as his left hand flew out and brushed against my face several times. I let him do it. I let him and there was no way for me to make him stop. I let him do it. I let him hurt me because I deserved it.

"What the hell is your problem?! Huh?! What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you going insane or something?! Huh? Are you?!" Dieh yells, writhing his fingers and hands through my hair and scalp. Before I am able to answer, I feel the back of his hand brush against my left cheek again and I gasp out in pain to feel the harsh sting on me.

"I don't know! I don't know!" I scream out, feeling the hot rush of tears streaming down my face. Dieh stops and keeps his grip firm through the tangled mess of jet black and forest green hair. "I don't know…" I answer again, falling to my knees and bawling out in complete agony. "I-I don't know what came over me, Dieh! I'm sorry! Please forgive me, Dieh! I'm so sorry! I just- I just don't know what came over me…I just don't know…" I sob, curling my torso towards the ground as tears rushed from my face and to the ground.

His hand becomes lose and free of the tangled mess and moves down the bruised face that was once a pale grey. My eyes barely shift up to look at him or the floor I kneeled on. I wanted this to end and I wanted it to be over. I was becoming tired of this daily battle between me and my inner self. I was tired, so very tired. His hand remains and I feel my head being tilted towards him from his fingers under my tear soaked chin. Whimpering, I only stare at him and wrap my hands around his own hand, gently and softly as he had done with me when I was small. When I looked at him earlier, I saw someone else, but now, I see another person. Dieh. He was Dieh, my Dieh. My father, my Dieh. There I see his eyes and features finally become his own and my sobbing dies down to quiet whimpers.

"I'm so sorry…" I whisper, my grip tightening a bit as my hands began to shake under the pressure of fear. But all I feel are his arms wrapping around my body and hugging me tightly in his loving embrace. I couldn't help but to do the same. I didn't want him to let me go nor did I want to let go of him. I wanted him to hold me until my pain was gone, until my war was done. I wanted him to wait and hold me until I was gone. All gone…

The car takes a sudden stop and my mind snaps back into today's reality. The past had suddenly disappeared as I tilt my head slightly to look at Dieh with slightly sullen, gold eyes. Dieh sighs and taps his fingers on the wheel, shaking his head and muttering a few words to himself.

"I hate these sudden stops. They never seem to pick the right moment when you're getting close." He says.

"Maybe because they knew we were coming…?" I ask in a slightly jested tone. Dieh smiles a bit and chuckles.

"Possibly," he answers back with his tone as jesting as mine. Finally the car in front moves and Dieh sets his foot on the pedal to move again. I didn't know how much further this new school of mine was but I was sure it wasn't too far from what I see.

Along the way, I see people walking, many of them in their teens. This was probably the hint that school was close and our trip was coming to an end.

_Well then…Murindo…_ I think to myself sarcastically. It was my own personal way of telling me to 'giddy up and get into the mood' when I felt the urge of cold sarcasm hit my emotions.

Again the car stops and Dieh places his hand on my back. I turn to look at him and draw a small yet quick smile.

"Here's your stop, Shan Yu. I'll come by to pick you up when school is over. If I don't come by at that time, just give me a call or walk home, alright?" he says, handing me my cell phone.

I take the phone and nod, assuring him I would do everything he had told me to do before jumping to my own conclusions.

"Okay, Dieh…" I tell him and he smiles as he wraps his arms around me for a tight hug.

"Okay. Behave yourself now and pay attention in class. I don't want to hear that your getting bad grades later on in the year. Okay?" He asks and again I nod. Dieh knew better that I always get high grades in my classes. It was never like me to fail a class at all. Dieh then lets go and I open the door to the car to get out, backpack on my shoulder and my expression as blank as always. Dieh shakes his head and smiles again. "Be good now. I love you." He says and I smile a little.

"I love you too, Dieh." I say and with that I shut the door to his car and turn with a wave good-bye. Dieh waves back and drives off, now leaving me alone to face this new environment of people once again…


	5. Spooky

**Song Inspiration: Spooky by God Module**

_Don't ever change, I like it spooky…_

I love the expressions I am given through every person that sees me. Some are scared; some are shocked, some are curious, while others sneer in disgust. I can't help but to keep my head high with pride to see all these expressions. It was as if they have never seen anyone like me before. Was it was new to them all to experience change when they feel or see it? Is it new to them when they finally see that someone else will choose to separate themselves from the herd and move on with that difference? I wasn't entirely sure, but I wasn't going to let anyone take me down on my first day.

As I walked through the hallway, I noticed a small group hanging around a corner of lockers. I shrug and move on; knowing the common rule of order people went by these days based on interest and appearance. If there ever was a group similar to my interest, I would not bother to join them. I prefer to be alone then to hang around people I don't even know.

I then make a turn and I enter a room filled with about twenty students. I grab the paper I kept in my pocket and looked at it again to make sure I had the right room number.

"C402, yep. This is it…" I say to myself in a quiet whisper, placing the crumbled paper back into my pocket and taking my first steps in. I wasn't surprised when the entire room went silent for that moment I walked in. It was the usual reaction everyone received when they walked through a blasted door on their first day of school, but something about this reaction felt different. All eyes were on me and they wouldn't look away. I continued my walk in as I felt a smile creep onto my features, almost feeling the satisfying taste of victory to own the fear of many. I then make my way towards the teacher's desk and look at him with a small smile. "Excuse me," I say and he turns to face me. "This is my first day here and I was assigned to your classroom." I say again and he nods after taking a quick glance at me.

"Very well then, I am your teacher Mr. Li and I am happy to see a new face enter my class. Feel free to take a seat anywhere; I will assign seats to those who are a large nuisance." He says, his voice slightly deep and hoarse as his brows seemed rather knitted together in sincerity. Without saying a word, I turn and look for a seat. All around there were various seats I could take to my choosing, but the area in which they were located did not seem to please me. At the far corner sat a group of girls, who constantly chattered among themselves of foolish interests of boys and their conceit ways. I felt rather sickened to even see that there was an empty seat beside them, but the reason for it being was probably best that I stay close to my guess of it why. A few rows down stood a seat around another group, this time around a small group of jocks that engaged in a strange conversation I did not understand. I didn't care what they were interested in or what they wanted, the only thing that mattered was not to sit near them. I've had enough trouble with people like them and I wasn't going to let pricks like them make my year go bad. I then look over to were three or four empty seats stood, all in the middle of room where all the groups separated and claimed their spot. I shrugged and walked over to the seats, picking the one of my choice and setting my backpack aside without a word. All heads turned over to me and I barely shift my eyes to look at them.

"Stunned to see your boundaries broken?" I ask, my voice and expression stern and hard. Their heads turn away and they all attend to their previous business. I merely smile to their meek expressions and attend to my own business by pulling out a book I brought from home and reading it until class had begun.

"Hey there newcomer," I hear a voice call from behind and I turn to face it. There, nearly three inches from my own face, was the thin face of one of my fellow classmates as he looked back at me with wide curious eyes. I merely stare back at him and then about the room, wondering why he was staring at me or even talking to me at this matter. "My name is Ling. What's yours?" he asked, a wide, welcoming grin coming into play.

"Shan Yu…" I answer flatly, my gaze fixing back on my book. Ling stared for a few moments and his smile grew down a bit. My gaze shifts back to him and I quickly appraise his appearance just as I had noticed he was doing with me.

Ling was a tall and skinny in appearance, almost frail and breakable if you were able to grab a hold of him and break him like a stick. His hair was short, barely reaching past his ears and his nose was rather large, almost fit for a person who tends to be quite nosey. The clothes he wore were simple, nothing in need of special attention, and overall his aura seemed to be quite cheerful and bliss, taking life to its fullest whenever he can.

"So you live around here, Shan Yu?" Ling asked, his eyes and grin giving off the hint of curiosity. I give him a somber stare and raise a brow, giving him my answer in silence. "Oh, I guess not…but where do you come from? Are you from China like me? Tibet? Mongolia? Japan?" Ling asked once again, pounding me with every question he could think of.

"Mongolia." I answered coldly, turning back to my book in a vexing motion.

"Hey, that's cool! I never met anyone from Mongolia! I bet it's a very cool place to visit when you have the time and--!"

"Do you mind? I'm trying to read and frankly, I am very found of our acquaintance but you are starting to get a little annoying." I tell him, cutting him off of the rest of his sentence before he could finish. Ling stopped and looked at me with wide eyes, surprised to see that I had stopped him from speaking. And with that, Ling turned himself away and walked back to his seat with a small group that sat staring right at him. I merely shrug and turn my attention back on my book, but I am interrupted once more from my reading when the teacher takes his steps towards the front of the class.

"Alright, good morning and welcome to my classroom, students. I am your teacher Mr. Li and I am very honored to have you all here in my class. Today we will go over basic rules of the class and our introductions…" Mr. Li's words trailed off as I went on with my book. I already knew how to behave and bring about what was expected for a person like him. As long as you stay quiet and respect all terms, you'll be fine and less likely to be picked for assumption of a teacher's pet.

But soon the hour of first period trailed off and so on with second, third, and finally, forth. Lunch was right at the end of the day since it was all I could think about for the moment. I did however become quite fond of most of my teachers, seeing that they all had the potential of handling everything on their own and with an iron fist to keep any trouble maker sitting still for the entire day. This was my perfect domain, whereas my previous school lacked this kind of potential and I was forced to take homeschooling for those long years. But now, I think I've finally found my place.

Once the lunch bell rang, everyone was out within seconds and herding themselves into the lunchroom for a chance to either get something to eat, relax, or just socialize with friends. I merely walked in with the usual expression of total relaxation, feeling the carefree rush hit me after long hours of introductions and rule explanation. By now I had made my way through the large crowds and into the lunchroom, seeing how crowded it had become within those seconds. Lucky for me I was able to find an empty table before anyone else had and, to add to my luck, many people preferred to stay away from me due to my "frightening" appearance. Just the very thought of it made me laugh full out to make people think I was even crazy.

_Ah, life is good when it wants to be…_I think to myself, taking a seat and pulling out my book to finish off the remaining pages I had left and my lunch Ama had made for me this morning.

"Hey! Shan Yu!" I hear a voice call and I turn to hear this familiar voice, only to find Ling waving wildly about the crowd with a large smile. I stare slightly and wave back slightly, drawing up a small, yet concealed smile towards him. It was often a rare occasion for me to smile, especially to someone I barely knew. "Hey buddy, how have your classes been so far?" he asked, rushing over to my table and leaning against the end with an excited grin.

"Quite enjoyable I must say. Very controlled yet, relaxing." I answered, not even giving him a single glance as I continued reading my book. "And you? How have you classes been my comical friend?" I ask in return, closing my book after finishing the final sentence.

"Dude, they were awesome! You won't believe what just happened to me today! A girl actually talked to me and said my jokes were funny! Ha! Can you believe that?" he answers loudly, letting the excitement inside him shake him through. I merely chuckle at his remark and smile. Though I barely know Ling nor did he know me all to well, he was speaking to me as if I really were a close friend of his. Frankly, I had to admire this young man's spirit; he was quite the type of person to bring someone out of a bad mood. "Oh! Shan Yu, these are some of my friends, Chien-Po and Yao. Guys, this is Shan Yu from first period." Ling said, turning himself over to face two more people.

I only stare at them in silence. This was something out of the expected.

Of the three of them put together, the largest one of all stood out more from them. Indeed he was fat, but quite active for one who was as well rounded as him. He also appeared to be the tallest of the three, towering over the other two like a giant. He had no hair and his features were nicely represented with a kind, small smile. His clothes were fairly simple as well, much like his friend Ling. His features also seemed to have given him a great amount of his personality. He seemed like the type of person who enjoyed the simplicities of life, often embracing them with careful and easy care. Something about his aura made me feel I could trust him, much like Ling but that was still questionable for me.

Lastly, there was the shorter one, who appeared to be the smallest and rugged of the three. He was quite small for his size, but the expression across his features seemed to have told more then anything else. Like Ling, his hair was short, but reaching a little more over his ears and he was growing a little beard at the bottom of his chin. He often slouched and barely gave the look of approval to anyone, often sneering and hissing out remarks at anyone who dared to challenge him. His clothing seemed to have been a bit beaten out, possibly to give out the impression that he was the toughest guy around here and one of his eyes seemed to be terribly bruised, a suggestion of his previous fight with someone or something. Overall, he seemed to have some kind of spark that also made him a good friend to these two. Whatever that spark was, it would remain a mystery until proven otherwise.

"Why hello there, Shan Yu. I'm Chien-Po. It's a pleasure to meet you." The larger of the two said, giving a quick, small bow as a part of his introduction.

"And you must be Yao." I say, looking at the shorter one with a cold gaze.

"Yeah, yeah, pin head, what's it to you?" he retorted, arms crossed and a look that seemed to give a hint that he was looking for a fight. I merely laugh and adjust the nose ring in my nose. "Well, I am very delighted to meet the three of you today, but I am afraid time is running short. I best be heading out while I can. My father hates it if I am late." I say, putting my book away in my backpack and throwing away the rest of my lunch. The three of them simply wave good-bye, with the exception of Yao, and also make their way out as the bell made its final ring of the day.

The herd of humans began its move again and all of us were out within seconds, some walking in groups back home, others walking alone, and others getting rides from a bus or from a parents or friend. I simply waited with a content smile, my golden eyes searching for any sign of Dieh and his car.

"Shan Yu!" I hear a voice boom in the distance and I smile. It was Dieh and he was here to take me home. Quickly I walk over to him and enter his car, closing the door and settling myself in before anything else had happened. Once we were settled and ready, Dieh started the car and off we went like no tomorrow. "So how was school?" He asked, his tone a little exhausted. I simply turn to him and smile.

"Most interesting…" I answer, still grinning as we made our way back home…


End file.
